Questions, Always Questions

[disbelief11]

I am constantly amazed at the number of people who can't answer a simple, direct question. People, listen up: I asked you something specific because I need the information in order to help you or plan a time to meet you or to figure out how long I need to block out in my schedule for you, etc.

So, when the conversation goes like this -


Me: "Are you looking for (A) or (B)?"

Person: "Blah blah blah...yadayadayada (nothing even tangentially related to either A or B)"


- I get frustrated.


Darling Flist, do you find this happening to you? Or, perhaps better, do you know why people do this or how to get them to actually, y'know, answer the question?


Maybe I ask too many questions instead of just bossing the other person around. That's it, I should just impose my will upon all others who cross my path. No questions asked.

Comments

[mz-bstone.livejournal.com]

You're dealing with circle-talkers. I'm one, and it drives my husband nuts. But unfortunately, a lot of people process that way.

Often what they say is relevant, at least to the person talking ... it's just linear talkers, those who get straight to the point, tune the circler out, or try to redirect to where they think it should go, and circlers get lost and oh, boy.

The best way is to let the circler say what they have to say, and THEN ask questions to clarify how their c,d and e connect to your a nd b.

You actually spend less time than if you try to mid-direct mid-ramble.

*g*

B

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

Let's say I ask you "Did you want to go to dinner only, or do dinner and a movie?"

What would your answer be?

[mz-bstone.livejournal.com]

Depends.

I'd start talking about my work load, and my other stuff, and my health, and do I have other people I should be thinking about, and whatever in my brain might affect my time and ability to watch the film.

B

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

I don't usually have a problem with that kind of answer - as long as I can tell that that kind of reasoning process has at least some small bearing on my question.

I've decided that sometimes people skip a few steps of the conversation without realizing it and then pick it back up, which leaves me wondering what the hell happened. This is especially prevalent in email conversations...perhaps I didn't get the emails in between or the person never actually sent them but is sure he or she did.

Language and communication can certainly be interesting, hey?

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

..I'm asking because it's not that I'm trying to redirect midramble, it's that is my opening question.

What I typically do after receiving a reply back that doesn't answer my question is to ask another question.

[mz-bstone.livejournal.com]

Hrm.

Yeah, that makes sense. Loki usually asks me what a has to do with b, as he doesn't see the connection. I then am forced to explain my leftwise brain.

*g*

B

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

it's just linear talkers, those who get straight to the point, tune the circler out, or try to redirect to where they think it should go, and circlers get lost and oh, boy.

By the way, is this what your husband does? *g*

I've done my share of circle talking and my ex-husband used to interrupt me all the time, so I do know how frustrating that can be. He used to tell me that he knew what I wanted well before I did which really upset me. Have you and your husband have come to some sort of workable compromise?

[mz-bstone.livejournal.com]

Depends on the situation, and how annoyed he is. *g*

If we're already angry about stuff, we have to withdraw and I write stuff out.

If it's daily stuff, he listens. He may mock gently, but it is good natured.

*g*

B

[stone-princess.livejournal.com]

This is why I quit being a librarian and went on to other work. I couldn't deal with the patrons.

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

Yeppers, that's why I no longer work as both a massage therapist and a receptionist at the place I'm employed...after talking to them on the phone to book their appointments, I didn't want to actually touch them anymore.

[valentinemichel.livejournal.com]

You know, that question reminds me of the time -

I so kid. A lot of people look at any kind of communication as an excuse to talk about themselves. Or just hear the sound of their own voice. Although, B may be onto another possibility with the circle talkers who may not know the answer immediately.

Try a journalist's trick: ask the question. Let the person ramble. Rephrase the question. Repeat as necessary (and as patience allows).

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

Really, I don't mind listening (well, don't mind *much*) to rambling if it's at least vaguely related to the question I asked.

I'm beginning to think that sometimes it's that the person has come up with their response to me but hasn't ever given it, doesn't realize they haven't answered me, and continues on with the conversation. They think I have all the information I need and I'm left with a disconnect.

Thanks for the advice. It's usually what I do, so I'm glad for the positive reinforcement.

[lalila67.livejournal.com]

Do you notice that rambling misdirection is happening more lately? A little theory but...reality-fever seems to have infected a lot of folks with an acute case of ME!ness.

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

Well, it's an interesting theory. Since I watch a lot of reality tv these days, you'll have to tell me if I'm having too many "me" moments. =)

[lalila67.livejournal.com]

This is not a case of butt-kissing...*butt* you are *not* a me!me!me! gal. Truly. It's just a theory sparked by a recent article about the effects of reality TV and insta-celebrity.

Back to the matter at hand...your friend had it right. Her technique to keep rephrasing the question is spot on.

[tresca.livejournal.com]

Heh. That happens *so* often at work. Clearly you should just decree things ;) I sometimes find that repeating things back as a statement of one of the choices instead of a questions sometimes helps. "So, what you want is (a) then?" Not always though.

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

Smart woman, that's exactly what I do. The rephrasing that is, not the decreeing.

I hereby decree - more decrees!

You are fabulousity embodied.

[tresca.livejournal.com]

Woot! Yay for more decreeees! Hail the almighty Viscountess! :D