Random Things I Have Learned Over The Past Month

These are some of the random things I have noticed/learned/cursed/laughed at over the past month or so:

1. One of the worst ways to test the levelness of your countertops: buy a whole pineapple. Hold it by the crown (the leafy part) as you walk toward the counter. Have 2 of the leaves tear away from the others, causing the pineapple to hit the ground. In the morning, discover how the sticky pineapple juice that is released from the bruised flesh is seeping through the bottom of the pineapple. Curse the fact that the counter is apparently sloped...right toward the pricey boxed item your girlfriend needs to return to the electronics store.



2. Thankfully, I've learned as well - through reports from my girlfriend - that the apathy of the underpaid store clerk at the electronics store is apparently stronger than the smell of a pineapple juice soaked box.



3. If you live in a largish city and drive a car, you need to have KPI (Killer Parking Instincts) to avoid frustration, tickets, and related parking woes. Sadly, my girl lacks KPI. (Just please don't tell her I said so.)



4. Working for one company at two locations - when said company is structured so that each location is considered a separate legal entity - means your tax withholding will be less than it should be. That's because the payroll program extrapolates your earnings for the year and deducts accordingly...but only for that one location. Then when you add the two amounts together, you discover that the IRS really wants a higher percentage than you've already paid.



5. The IRS website has a tax withholding calculator that will give you instructions on how to amend your withholding to come out closer to even in the above situation. However, that will not mean that your payroll program at work is equipped to put those exact changes into play - which will make your manager call you and ask for more specific information on what you want withheld ("what do you mean, you don't have the choice to tell the program 'married, but withhold at the higher single rate?' You want me to give you a percentage or a dollar amount, huh? OK, I'll try to figure that out for you."). Unfortunately, the IRS tax withholding calculator doesn't give specifics on percentages and trying to make sense out of the 30-odd pages of tax withholding tables for employers nearly made my head explode.



6. As if I weren't convinced of it before, I now believe more firmly that the US tax code is far too impenetrable and unwieldy. Who wrote this behemoth? Aliens? Does anyone in the field understand all of it? Or is everyone just kind of nibbling around the edges?



7. I'll be glad when I have enough money to hire a lawyer and get my finances and divorce straightened out. Because the frustration and immense depression that I'm feeling now sucks, and comfort eating is not what I should be doing right now. Blech. Arrgh.



8. stone_princess reminded me of how damn cute Tare Panda is. So cute!



9. I miss all my peeps. Why must a bunch of you live so far away? And when can the Chicago gang have a picnic or something? That would be in my budgetary means, I think.