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disbelief11I just read Fast Girls: Teenage Tribes and The Myth of The Slut by Emily White and was intrigued by a section about boy craziness and a statistic about female masturbation. Read the background here and let me know what you think, OK?
The book basically paints the picture of the common elements the author found when she interviewed women about their experiences of being called a slut in high school. I won't go into great detail here - read the book if you'd like to find out more. But here's the part I found intriguing:
"The girls I interviewed often cited an environment of boy craziness as the background for the girl-on-girl slut wars - that giddy psychosis of crushes, the endless dating talk of girls, the thing that makes female fans scream for boy bands like they are being tortured. Boy craziness can bring about a powerful eclipse of reason, more powerful than drugs or hypnosis. It's like the adrenaline rush that gives a mother the strength to lift a car off her child - it can make a girl capable of anything.
"The high school hallway is a reflection of the patriarchal world, and boy craziness is one more expression of the story in which the male is central, the hero. Girls call cute boys "gods"; they overvalue boys to the point that the whole high school economy threatens to fall apart. Girls with boyfriends are more valuable than girls without; girls with powerful boyfriends are powerful in relation, like politicians' wives. From the first day of school girls struggle to figure out how they fit into the boy story, the love story, the story of prom night and high heels and evening gowns, long soap opera kisses, fireworks in the blood. He kissed my hand, and I swear I will never wash that hand again!
"In many ways, boy-crazy girls are a tribe unto themselves; they have their own language, their own rituals, their own superstitions and bizarre customs. Teen girls' magazines are the holy books of this tribe. Seventeen, Young Miss, and Cosmo Girl instruct the boy-crazy girl how to handle her frazzled state of mind: she should make sure she always looks cute by dieting, taking care of her skin, and wearing the latest fashions. She should make sure she learns how to meet the right boy, who is not going to use her, and she should study the details of the personal lives of her favorite boy band. The prototypical boy-crazy girl has a life-size picture of a teen hunk on her bedroom wall; she writes him letters on pink flowery stationery; she falls asleep with cucumber slices affixed to her eyes.
"Statistics hint at one possible cause of boy craziness: sexuality researchers have found that many girls do not learn to masturbate to climax until they are twenty-one or twenty-two. Maybe with no form of release the pressure gives way to a kind of dementia. Girls become unhinged, unmoored. They have no idea how to calm themselves down."
pp 135-136
OK, so first of all, I'm glad I went to an all-girls high school. I really don't remember anyone being labeled a slut, or being tortured like some of the girls in the book were.
I do remember some girls who fit the author's description of being boy-crazy. Heck, sometimes here in fandom we sound like that and quite a few of us are well out of high school. The boy-crazed girls I remember seemed to need the fixations they had with certain "hotties" and celebrities - it was as though they couldn't think of anything else at all and would be adrift without this to use as an anchor.
I do think that the images of skinny models, hot boys, and glamorous parties, etc., that fashion magazines (and the rest of the media) portray can be really seductive and can be dangerous. How many of you know people who get depressed when they read these magazines because they're not skinny enough or because they feel like they'd never fit into these social situations? I know people like that. And again, I'm glad I never read these magazines when I was a teenager - I had enough self-esteem problems without worrying what the quiz results in the magazine said about me.
Lastly, I know I didn't learn how to successfully masturbate until I was at least 22...though I can't remember the exact age I was when I at last shouted "Eureka!". And I remember some instances in high school when I was really agitated and hyper and high-strung and when I totally could have benefited from the release that masturbation brings.
So...what do you fine, intelligent people think about all of this, or any of this? I'd love to hear what you have to say.
The book basically paints the picture of the common elements the author found when she interviewed women about their experiences of being called a slut in high school. I won't go into great detail here - read the book if you'd like to find out more. But here's the part I found intriguing:
"The girls I interviewed often cited an environment of boy craziness as the background for the girl-on-girl slut wars - that giddy psychosis of crushes, the endless dating talk of girls, the thing that makes female fans scream for boy bands like they are being tortured. Boy craziness can bring about a powerful eclipse of reason, more powerful than drugs or hypnosis. It's like the adrenaline rush that gives a mother the strength to lift a car off her child - it can make a girl capable of anything.
"The high school hallway is a reflection of the patriarchal world, and boy craziness is one more expression of the story in which the male is central, the hero. Girls call cute boys "gods"; they overvalue boys to the point that the whole high school economy threatens to fall apart. Girls with boyfriends are more valuable than girls without; girls with powerful boyfriends are powerful in relation, like politicians' wives. From the first day of school girls struggle to figure out how they fit into the boy story, the love story, the story of prom night and high heels and evening gowns, long soap opera kisses, fireworks in the blood. He kissed my hand, and I swear I will never wash that hand again!
"In many ways, boy-crazy girls are a tribe unto themselves; they have their own language, their own rituals, their own superstitions and bizarre customs. Teen girls' magazines are the holy books of this tribe. Seventeen, Young Miss, and Cosmo Girl instruct the boy-crazy girl how to handle her frazzled state of mind: she should make sure she always looks cute by dieting, taking care of her skin, and wearing the latest fashions. She should make sure she learns how to meet the right boy, who is not going to use her, and she should study the details of the personal lives of her favorite boy band. The prototypical boy-crazy girl has a life-size picture of a teen hunk on her bedroom wall; she writes him letters on pink flowery stationery; she falls asleep with cucumber slices affixed to her eyes.
"Statistics hint at one possible cause of boy craziness: sexuality researchers have found that many girls do not learn to masturbate to climax until they are twenty-one or twenty-two. Maybe with no form of release the pressure gives way to a kind of dementia. Girls become unhinged, unmoored. They have no idea how to calm themselves down."
pp 135-136
OK, so first of all, I'm glad I went to an all-girls high school. I really don't remember anyone being labeled a slut, or being tortured like some of the girls in the book were.
I do remember some girls who fit the author's description of being boy-crazy. Heck, sometimes here in fandom we sound like that and quite a few of us are well out of high school. The boy-crazed girls I remember seemed to need the fixations they had with certain "hotties" and celebrities - it was as though they couldn't think of anything else at all and would be adrift without this to use as an anchor.
I do think that the images of skinny models, hot boys, and glamorous parties, etc., that fashion magazines (and the rest of the media) portray can be really seductive and can be dangerous. How many of you know people who get depressed when they read these magazines because they're not skinny enough or because they feel like they'd never fit into these social situations? I know people like that. And again, I'm glad I never read these magazines when I was a teenager - I had enough self-esteem problems without worrying what the quiz results in the magazine said about me.
Lastly, I know I didn't learn how to successfully masturbate until I was at least 22...though I can't remember the exact age I was when I at last shouted "Eureka!". And I remember some instances in high school when I was really agitated and hyper and high-strung and when I totally could have benefited from the release that masturbation brings.
So...what do you fine, intelligent people think about all of this, or any of this? I'd love to hear what you have to say.
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no subject
Date: 2002-12-02 10:42 am (UTC)Thank you so much for the recommendation.
no subject
Date: 2002-12-02 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-02 10:47 am (UTC)I was part of a crowd that started dating later in the teenage years, and so I could see the girls who really wanted to be dating, particularly the BMOC at the guys schools. It was quite a power struggle.
I am off to look for that book! Thanks Dis!
no subject
Date: 2002-12-02 07:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-02 01:26 pm (UTC)I don't know if I was blessed, but kids at my school weren't all that obssesed with getting the right guy or looking a certain way. The head cheerleader was a plump, frazzled headed girl who was ranked 7th academically out of 750 students. Her boyfriend was the head basketball player as well as the football quarterback. He was a goodlooking guy but he was also in the National Honor Society and quite friendly to all the students. Come to think of it, I'd better go and write a check to my alumni fund, I'm feeling really proud of my school right about now.
no subject
Date: 2002-12-02 07:19 pm (UTC)And congratulations on achieving masturbatory success at 12. I am impressed! My teenage years were full of clumsy attempts. Nowadays I'm mighty glad I've improved those skills.
no subject
Date: 2002-12-02 02:15 pm (UTC)many girls do not learn to masturbate to climax until they are twenty-one or twenty-two.
Cough cough, I think I've been doing it since I was ten or eleven. The sad part is that I never actually stopped, it's quite addictive
Maybe with no form of release the pressure gives way to a kind of dementia.
Haha, now I need to think about high-school and figure out who did it and who didn't do it.
no subject
Date: 2002-12-02 07:22 pm (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-12-03 01:11 am (UTC)Yeah, I know, maybe I was just thinking of the girls in my high-school. Talk about stupidity.
I am actually amazed at the revelation of the book that some girls actually don't do it at all, I thought it was more of a "do it but don't talk about it like guys do all the time" thing.
Also, this whole conversation makes me realize that I need to get myself a boyfriend (not that I didn't know that already)
<----------------This post inspired this!
Date: 2002-12-02 03:46 pm (UTC)Re: <----------------This post inspired this!
Date: 2002-12-02 07:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-02 09:38 pm (UTC)I don't know if I totally agree with this, especially considering that I've always been boy crazy but never really fell into the whole boy-band pattern. Maybe that's just because I couldn't stand the music, but ...
As for masturbating, I didn't actually start till a little over a year/year and a half ago (about 15-ish), and it took me a while to get used to, but I'd honestly just do it to release some tension/be able to focus better (especially when trying to focus and study for long periods of time). I didn't actually know for a while whether I'd had an orgasm or not till I um ... read a description of it in some fan fic and was like "wait, that's it?"
And that was probably way TMI, huh?
no subject
Date: 2002-12-02 10:30 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-03 01:20 am (UTC)Since we're already sharing... I've sometimes had that "that's it?" feeling so I gotta ask to the experienced: is it different when you actually do it, you know, with a guy, or is it the same crap?
Note to self: you're too old to be still a virgin.
Note to self #2: stop publishing on the internet that you're a 20-year-old virgin.
Wishful thinking: why can't I get the guy on my icon to, you know, do it with me?
no subject
Date: 2002-12-03 07:45 am (UTC)I can only tell you about what happened to me: the first few guys I had sex with - not even close to a climax. I kind of had to learn what I liked and how to ask for it. For me, it has definitely gotten better as I've gotten older, both with someone else and by myself.
no subject
Date: 2002-12-03 02:32 pm (UTC)Or as the phrase goes, "The party ain't over until you both had your cake"
It's a relief to hear that, in fact, it does get better.
I like it how LJ seems to be a massive sexology consult.
Oh, and, thanks again for answering.
no subject
Date: 2002-12-04 04:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-05 12:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2002-12-09 05:28 am (UTC)