It's A Good Thing I Don't Have Much Time For TV Lately

[disbelief11]

...because Smallville didn't record for me this week. Everyone, what happened in the episode? Anything worth watching, or can I just wait for Omar's recap and call it done?

PS - goss! I just got your amazing card! YOU ROCK! I adore you. Thank you!

looks wistfully at the pile of unwritten and unsent Valentine cards on my desk

Comments

[goss.livejournal.com]

hee! i'm so glad you actually got it on time! *hugses*

hope it's fun to play with. i'll be putting stuff up on the site soon. :D

This icon has never been more appropriate!

[adellyna.livejournal.com]

Smallville was basically The Fast and the Furious meets Speed meets THE HUGEST AMOUNT OF SUCK OF ALL TIME.

Pete got mixed up with a band of street racers. In Smallville. Do they even have paved roads in Smallville?

Anyway, he was supposed to throw the race (at the behest of his racing 'boss' Dante) but he was overcome by the need for victory that he won the race, Dante lost $20,000, and Pete went crying to Clark (who'd already warned him not to race anymore) because if he didn't replace Dante's $20,000 Dante was going to Kill Pete, Vol. 1.

Clark, the all alien boy scout, decides the best thing to do is to notify the police about all of the stolen cars in Dante's Fortress of Speeditude so they can raid the place. But oopsie, Dante had a deputy in his "pocket" and cleared out his Fortress, and then beat the living shit out of Pete in one scene that got one of the very, very few compliments I can give this episode: Effective Use of Fake Blood. "Ross the Boss" tells Clark that Dante blamed him for squeeling to the cops and then told Pete that if he didn't pay back his $20,000, he was going to kill Pete's family first, and then kill Pete.

It never occurs to Pete that his mother, THE JUDGE, might have something to say about her life being on the line FOR $20,000 AND THAT MAYBE HE SHOULD TELL HER?!? HUH!?!? Ahem. Sorry. Clarkie boy goes running to his ex, Lex, trying to get the money but Lex might as well say "BITCH! You let me get electroshock therapy and now you want my mo'fo'in money? I don't fucking think so!!" and then gets on a helicopter to leave. Clark "borrows" Lex's Porsche and offers up a trade to Dante: Pete will race Dante (did I mention, by the way, that Dante's "secret weapon" was kyrptonite booster fuel? Cuz it was.) and if Pete wins, the debts are off and everyone wins. If Dante wins, he get's Lex's Porsche. Clark plans to cheat for Pete by using his heat vision to disable Dante's engine, allowing Petey to win the race.

However, Clark soon superoverhears Dante telling one of his minions to place a bomb in Pete's car that will blow up when he hits 100mph. Clark confronts them (way to go stealthy!clark!) and get's hit over the head with a canister of kryptonite fuel and dumped in the back of Pete's trunk (right next to HIS tank of kryptonite fuel) to die with his speed lovin' boyfriend. They race. Once Pete has used up all of his kyrptofuel Clark comes to and punches a hole in the gas tank, causing Pete's gas to leak all over the road and Pete to stop the car/immediately run out of gas/give up on making sense and find a new agent. They get out of the car as/right after Dante's loses control of HIS car in the new gas slick and rolls his vehicle dying horribly. At this point, the SoFlo crew waits, with bated breath, for the Kryptofuel to leak into Dante's bloodstream and mutate him into a Krypto-Transformer, but no such luck.

Re: This icon has never been more appropriate!

[adellyna.livejournal.com]

Pete has learned a valuable lesson, and Clark is disappointed. In a later conversation with Lex, Lex hints strongly that he knows Clarkie "borrowed" his car, while Clark does his best possible impersonation of a ten year old girl who shoved her barbie down the garbage disposal and is now denying it. Lex, in a lot more words says "You crossed an ethical line for Pete because you consider him to be a true friend, but you wouldn't cross one for me when I asked you to break my ass out of the mental institution WHERE I DIDN'T BELONG, so pack your shit and get out, bitch." Which screams to me that he remembers what happened and everything.

Oh, and Adam is a zombie. Lana found a newspaper article about a high school valedictorian who was an expert in karate, computer science, and piano was killed in a horrible accident. She confronts Adam. He says everyone has someone who looks like them. For a zombie, he's a terrible liar. Later, he wakes up from a nightmare with huge lesions as his zombie skin peels off of him in huge strips. He stumbles over to a syringe (cleverly hidden below some article of clothing laid haphazardly over some article of furniture (fucking men)) and injects himself. His lesions clear up in time for him to answer the door for Lana's "my roof, my rules" speech and counters it with "keep your bitch mouth shut or you'll regret it." She stumbles away stupidly. And vacantly. And falls down the stairs and dies. Except for that lst part. She doesn't do that.

In the midst off all this solid cool street racing, Chloe has been sitting around in the Exposition Coffee House, expositioning with her friend, a Pathologist, who told her that the stuff in the syringe is some type of human blood cell which is something like no one at the pathology lab has ever seen. Chloe probably goes straight from expositioning to playing golf with the Pope, then to a Pampered Chef party with the Dali Lama, then out for drinks with her good pal, Chief Justice WHY DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE CHLOE!??!. She takes this information to Lex, who takes it to the renowned Microbiologist Ms. Attractive Woman With A PhD, who promptly tells him to go fuck himself.

Lex gets Ms. AWWAP (who is soooo clearly NOT his type) and offers to set her up with her own lab and fund her research. Oh Lex, don't you remember crazy Dr. Hamilton?

Oh, and Bo Kent had a heart attack and needs surgery, but is home recovering and, as always, trust his son to know when to blur ethical lines.

There. That's what happened, in a cheesy, sucky nutshell.
Mwah!

Re: This icon has never been more appropriate!

[disbelief11.livejournal.com]

Lexcellent synopsis, Ade! Thank you. Yeah, I somehow suspected that I wasn't missing much. As for your valid points of logic, you just need to repeat to yourself whenever stupid stuff happens (courtesy of xica_s ): "Baby Superman! Baby Superman!" Works like a charm.